Gotta Say, I Thought You'd Last Longer
by Noraque
Summary: How did the game makers manage to get all the villians' taunts for the 'Mission Failed' screens? It sure as hell wasn't easy! Or dull!


**A/N: Letters in BOLD and **_**ITALICS**_** signal the 'director' for this fic, just FYI.**

"_**Okay, places everybody, places! Now remember- these scenes are for the death of Batman in this game. No doubt some of your scenes will be seen more frequently by SOME gamers than others- notably those that INSIST on charging headlong into danger even though there are perfectly good hiding places everywhere on the island. The goal here is to get at least one or two scenes in per all of you, so we'd better not waste any time. Who's up first?"**_

**Joker****: **(chuckling) _Well, I'd say ladies first but since there aren't any here, I might as well get this road show a' movin'!_

**Harley****:** _Hey_, _wait a second, puddin'! Are you sayin' that I'm not feminine enough to go first?_

**Joker****: **_Absolutely not, my little honey Harl. I'm merely so much more experienced at this sort of thing, and let's face it- the last time I let you go first and take the lead on something, well… do I really need to bring up the TNT truck business again?_

**Harley****:**_ Well…_

**Joker****: **_Stop questioning everything I say, Harley!_

**Harley****:**_ Oh, okay then! Whatever you say, puddin'._

**Joker:**_ Now then, where should we begin? Ooh, look at all these expensive cameras! Hey Mr. Director, you getting' my good side? Ah, what the heck- they're __**all**__ good! _(Chuckles) _Really, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble!_ _But, what the hell? _**Oh, I'd like to thank my fans for their undying support, and the people of Gotham, who I will be seeing very, very soon**_._

"_**That's great! We'll take the last sentence as your first scene. Who's next?"**_

**Joker****: **_Oh, but that was just the beginning, Mr. Director! Do you think I just have one trick up my sleeve? I can just picture it now; Bat-baby lying shaking and bleeding on the floor, and then who should come along at that time? _Moi! (Snaps to attention) **I salute my fallen enemy!**(Blows raspberry and chuckles) _How about them raspberries? Whoa! _(Trips and falls backwards).

"_**Alright, we'll use that one as well. Who else has got a good one?"**_

**Joker****: **(jumping back up) **Oh! Isn't that cute. Little bat's a-sleepin'. Someone finish him off!**

"_**Uh, Joker?"**_

**Joker****: That loser didn't stand a chance! **(Laughs)** I mean, look at me.**

"_**Joker, that's enough."**_

**Joker:** **Hey! Someone help Bat-baby up off the floor!**

"_**Joker, stop!"**_

**Joker:**** Too easy! Played you like a violin then cut your strings. Nighty night, Bats!**

"_**Security!"**_

**Harley:**_You're ejecting Mister J? _**Loser. Loser. Loser! Ha!**

"_**I'll pretend that was one of your game taunts, Harley. You have anything else to add?"**_

**Harley:**_Just one for the big ugly B-man._ **Bye, bye Bats! Mwah!**__

"_**Okay, I think we've had quite enough of those two. Who's next?"**_

**Bane:**(wielding stuffed Batman mannequin) **The Bat is broken!** (Tries to break mannequin over his knee, fails) _What the… _(Tries and fails again) _Come on you… estupido…_

"_**Um… wow, that was really unexpected. Okay, we'll just make that scene really blurry and end it right when it goes over your knee so no one notices. You have anything else, Bane?**_

**Bane:**_Aha_!(Strides forward) **Once again, I have defeated you Batman!** (Ploughs fist into camera, breaking every bone in his hand) _OW! Mierda!_

"_**Something tells me he's going to be a very easy opponent in the game… Alright, whose turn is it now?"**_

**Killer Croc:**** I will enjoy feasting on your bones!** (Lunges forward and devours the camera)

"_**Well, there go a few young gamers that'll be traumatized. Why did my expensive technology have to be part of that? Come on, get another camera up here. Croc, I need another taunt from you. And try to avoid feasting on my hard-earned equipment this time."**_

**Killer Croc:**** Tick, tock.** (Looking at director hungrily)** Feed the Croc! **

"_**Um… I don't think he's kidding. Quick, activate his collar and get him down to his lair ASAP! I hope for all your sakes he saves his appetite for all the unfortunate gamers who aren't fast enough with their Batarangs! Next!"**_

**Scarecrow:**** And at the end of fear, oblivion!**

"_**Ooh, nice demonic scary voice, Scarecrow! Definitely a keeper! I want several more from this guy! Come on Crane, let's have it!**_

**Scarecrow:**** You've failed, now SUFFER!**

"**Ha! Even better! This is fantastic! One more for the record, Scarecrow! Give us your best one yet!"**

**Scarecrow:**** Now madness takes you- forever…**

"_**And the exclamation point! This one's going to be a killer! Literally! I get the feeling you're going to be one of the most popular villains in the game. Just, uh… point those syringes elsewhere, would you? Who's next?"**_

**Poison Ivy:**** You're dead and buried, darling!**

"_**Holy shit, did you get that ass shot! TELL ME you got that ass shot! Man oh man, that's HOT! Come on Ivy, let's get another one of you!"**_

**Poison Ivy:**_If you insist. _**Sorry love- you're plucked!**

"_**Hot damn, there's gonna be some drooling, crazy fan boys buying this game by the hundreds when they hear about this! Come to think of it, I might get myself a copy just for these scenes!"**_

**Poison Ivy:** _Oh, but why start then, John- you're name is John, isn't it? Why not have the full experience right here, right now- just you and me, with no one watching…_

"_**Well, perhaps just this once…"**_

**Titan Joker:**(Suddenly appearing out of nowhere) **Tonight Gotham, I have defeated your dear Dark Knight. Don't be sad. You're next!**

"_**Who the hell decided to barge in here and interrupt my… WHAT THE HELL?"**_

**Titan Joker:** Ha _ha ha! I couldn't have phrased that better myself! Well… you know, come to think of it, I could_! **One down. Who's next on the party list?**

"_**Who's the idiot cop who let this guy in here? I want that condescending cop's badge number! I want him brought up on charges! I want him kicked off the force!"**_

**Titan Joker:**_Why my dear Mr. Director, you beat me to the punch! _**Who else wants to get crazy?**

"_**That's it! I've had enough! I hope all the gamers purposely LET you kill them just so they can feel as irritated and pissed off as I am!"**_

**Joker:** (Watching director leave, only to be followed moments later by his screams and Croc's roars of delight). **Tsk, tsk.** (Shakes head)** Gotta say- I thought you'd last longer…**

**A/N: Total crackfic! Please review!**__


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